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Tuesday, March 20, 2007/ 10:50 PM i don't know if i can keep up with it. seriously, i miss so many people. so many that i think i don't have enough time to mention it here. its like soon, we'll go our different ways, each to their respective tertiary and life and who knows, we won't be seeing each other again. gee. what a way to start an entry. i have been really emotional nowadays. every night, i'll turn emo or worse, sad for no reason. once, i was about to commit suicide with a pen knife in my right hand, pointing towards my veins. it was like oh my GOD! i don't know what happened till my brother came in and asks whether i'm mad. i think i am. i seriously think so. i couldn't sleep at night. even torsing and turning can't help. the latest i'd sleep will be like 4-6 and its really getting into my nerves cos i'll wake up very late the next day. i don't know what happened to me recently. i've become more quiet, not as joyful as before. it's saddening to know that cos from what my cousin say, i'm the bubbly and cheerful one. i don't know what she is trying to say larh. -.-.. i'm msg-ing rose right now and seriously, 100% guarantee, i miss her a lot and a lot. to bits and pieces and crumbs. also not to forget those close ones of mine. hais. maybe this made me emotional. thinking whether they'll ever remember me. thinking whether we'll still go out. thinking the days we had laughing and joking and be by each other's side always. and sometimes even think about band camp, where everytime we'll hang out together, ton-ing and all till 4 am in the morning. hais. i miss these days. really miss everyone. to add to that. school will be starting in a few more weeks. i'm not sure whether i'm really ready or up to it. cos my school is like not many shuqunites going. it really sads me though cos i wont be seeing what i miss always. and those who going to my school are also those i'm not really close too. but hey, look on the bright side (what my cousin said, -.-") 'you got the choice of course that you want. its not the friends that matters, its your future! friends can be made!' yea i agree with that but how?! when i miss the old people so much. and now, with this new school, i'll just dump them and find new ones? zzz. this really made me worry. and futhermore, i don't know whether i can cope with the course. it's the course where those 'smart' ones are in. okay. i'm not self-complimenting or something but really. biotechnology. i go ngee ann and take this course, i'll be beaten half flat. it's like the life sciences. hais. really making me nervous right now. seeing the forms which i am going to fill in before the enrolment worsen the whole situation. it's like quite a stack of it. and today just went to the bank to pay the school fees. $113.25. along the way, met yanyi and josephine. i didn't really notice them cos i was doubting to myself whether to catch the traffic before it turns red. i didn't in the end. waited for the next one. then they were like 'sufyan! *giggles'. lost. chatted for a while then left. saw teresa rushing for something on the opposite side of the road. and went to the bank, there's this old lady asking whether she can pay the fees for ngee ann poly. i'm like wa. i'm already half heartbroken, cos i'm unable to go there. hais. never mind. i shall not think about it. my mum just went into my room, walking around. -.- this saturday, i'm going to my new school. for the enrolment thingy. hoping to see new things there. and i visited the website and they said that i'll be getting my id and ez-link thingy or whatsoever poly has. and i'll be browsing new clubs there. hope it's interesting. alwin told me that there's health check in sp. it took him and zihao 3 hours. i was like okayyy. hope it won't be that long in rp. okay. i'll stop here before i turn really emo. my mouth is like slowly turning dead. -.- nights. Labels: emotional |
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