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Tuesday, August 22, 2006/ 7:48 PM another day haa. yea yea. i know it's been a while. but what can i do. i'm too busy and my schedule is so damn tight. well, apologies for those who always want to read my blog. xD. okay cut the crap. got loads of work to do and revise. so i'll just carry on from here. two days past very quickly. i couldn't recall back what happened on sunday. haa. but i think i went out with my family on that day to have dinner together. that's once in a while. ate like there's no tommorow. so yeah. reached home bloated like a puffer fish and erm haa. had diarrhoea for the whole night. lol. every 2 hours i'll be visiting the toilet and sitting at the old same spot everytime. that sunday night, i was so panicked as there are a lot of homeworks not done yet. i rushed through while messaging xinmin how she was progressing. lol. she's like just returned from her outing and erm well, didn't touch any of school's stuff. she started rather late and well, guess what time we slept that night. 2.45am. haa. tiring. very tiring. well, before i went to sleep, i just think back my treasures and my friends. in school, i feel like i'm nothing and sometimes, i think i'm best being a loner. but then again, jie said don't be like that and try to suit in with them. now the problem is, how to suit in when your not even invited ? or even if you join in, you'll feel that you're being left out. so what's the point of joining in. sometimes i do feel like that. yes, i have friends and i treasure them. but i wonder if they ever treasure me. in school, i might look happy and joyful but no one knows that deep inside i'm hurt and is full of sorrow. i'm often left out or better still, bang seh-ed. i just don't know what to do. haiz. tired of thinking about it, i went to sleep. managed to see the clock. 3.15am. next day was monday. woke up at 6 but then slept again till 6.30am. reluctantly showered and made my way to school. i remembered everything yesterday again but then i forced myself not to think about it too much. i silently made my way. normal school lessons as usual. had chemistry remedial. i was so lethargic that day but i forced myself to be attentive. the thoughts of friends made me worse. had chemistry test and erm, i think i can pass. my mind was filled with a lot of problems. i don't know whether i can cope with it bugging me. there was also amaths test and i scored well. if not for that stupid 3!, i would have gotten a full mark. but its not the marks that count. its the understanding. so yeah. 13/15. contented. well, during recess, i felt abit neglected and left out. haiz. again the same thing. being bang seh-ed again. they left without me and when i reached the canteen, they were already buying their food. i'm like a nobody to them. i was like so depressed and sad. but i didn't show. i just joined them throughout the 30 mins. also, i realise i'm not that close to z already. it seems that we rarely talk and i don't know for what reason we are not that close anymore. it's just weird. and well, z's like one of my treasures too you know. when pass by, a simple hello will just be it. i feel like there's no bond between us and sometimes i envy those who are close to z. it's just not fair. sometimes i think think think. it must be me. but so far, i've shown some concern. haiz. i don't know. thinking of it makes me the least mood. i just hope we'll be as close like before. alright. switch to today. tuesday as it is. dry and dull and drowsy. all the d's. i've got a slight headache maybe too tired i think. monday slept at 2.30am revising amaths. haiz. these days, i keep on sleeping late at night. didn't update yesterday because 1) internet connection was ****-ing problematic ( p.s. i slammed my modem). 2) a hell lot of homeworks ( i mean it) 3) i was ****-ing pissed with my brother. ( no mood to type). so yeah. that's the main problem i face yesterday. don't get me into the less serious ones. it will be a whole list. yea. just now we had normal lessons. all the core subjects came in today. after school, we had english mock test, and well, i can understand the passage and answer the questions fluently. hope everything goes well. insya'allah*. but also, comes to think of it, actually, i don't have the slightest mood to do the test. firstly, i was rather restless and drowsy after the long day in school. during emaths i was changing the way i sit for around 20+ times. i was so restless la. secondly, the weather was super moronic hot and that made me even more restless. thirdly, some of my stationeries are gone! i was so angry and frustrated by it. fourthly, my mind was like half-shut and that as you know, the friends related problem thingy lingers in my mind still. fifth, my ****-ing table for the test was shaky and was rocking like hell. every word i wrote it shakes a hell lot of times. i was so pissed by it. yeah. that's it i think. i think there's more but no point writing down. it's all over. yea. after that there's no one i can go home with la. i was so lonely and sad. haiz. at the same time stress too. everytime i hang out with xinmin and azri, i'll always get the cold shoulder feeling. everytime he will always say come xinmin let's go and me? no, he never say that and just walk away with xinmin following. whereas me, tagging along behind helplessly hoping they would wait for me. haiz. better not dwell about it further. okay. homework are waiting for me at my study table. better not slack and sleep late again. chaos! *a muslim prayer that translates hope it goes fine and well. |
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